It was a given that I would not sleep well, and I didn't. By 4am I was up and busy downstairs. We were due to get up at 6am anyway, as I had to have a light breakfast early as I was not allowed anything to eat or drink after 7am.
The house was incredibly quiet without the dogs, who had gone through to my brother & sister-in-law's the night before. Normally, if I get up in the middle of the night Brandy will come down with me, and there is no doubt that it would have lovely to have him to cuddle on this particular morning.
By 6am I was showered and my bag was packed ready for the day. it was good to know that I would be home within 12 hours and it would all be over, but I was glad I could only have a light breakfast as there was no way I could have eaten too much.
We were due at the hospital by 8am but my colleagues at work had advised an earlier arrival if possible as the procedures are carried out in the order of arrival. We parked and walked into the Diagnostic Day Unit at 7.45am. I was met by a nurse who asked Neil to wait in the waiting room and took me through to my bed on the ward. Her first comment to me was that I would be last on the morning list, so nothing would happen until around 11am. Once I was booked in I was free to go for a wander with Neil, bearing in mind I couldn't eat or drink anything. My colleagues hadn't been wrong in their advice, the people having the same procedure were taken through in the order they arrived, but the order in which they did the various procedures dictated the timings.
There were a couple of TOE (internal, tube-down the throat scans), a couple of angio-grams that I was aware of and only one other pacemaker, a chap through on the other ward. I got booked in, got my wrist ID-tag and went back to Neil to let him know we had a couple of hours to spare, and we set off to explore the hospital and find somewhere for Neil to get some lunch while I was having my implant.
By 10.30am I was back on the ward and because one of the patients that should have come down from another ward hadn't arrived for their procedure the nurses came over to start getting me ready. Once I had changed into a hospital gown and put on my dressing gown, they started by giving me 2 diazapans and 2 of the antibiotics I would be taking over the next 5 days to prevent infection in the wound. The nurse told me the diazapans were to help me relax and, in view of the fact I had been up since 4am she warned me not to go to sleep as I hadn't signed my consent form yet. I would do that outside theatre.
She really had no need to worry, the diazapan had no effect on me at all. 15 minutes later I was wheeled past Neil and down to the X-ray theatre where the procedure would be done, and I was finally going to meet the Cardiologist who would perform the procedure. While I was waiting outside the theatre several people came and looled at my notes, confirmed my name & DOB and asked a variety of questions, all to enable them to make the decision on what type of pacemaker they would use, a single lead, double or triple. They decided on a dual-lead on-demand pacemaker.
Finally, the consultant came out to talk to me and explain what would happen, he answered any questions I had and I finally signed my consent form to permit him to carry out the implant. At this late stage I still asked if he was sure this was what I needed and he confirmed it was. He acknowledged how anxious I was and said he would give me as much local anaesthetic as he could.
There was nothing more for me to do. I was minutes away from being taken into the x-ray theatre where the procedure would be done. It was time to be as grown up as I could. I felt very alone and desperately wanted Neil there.
I knew I was in this one on my own for the next hour. I had to fight back the tears, I could have happily bawled my eyes out. I wanted the diazapen to take effect. It didn't.
And then the nurse came to take me in.This was it. I was about to find out how strong i really was.
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