6 weeks on.

6 weeks ago today I was sitting on the settee, propped up with pillows, feeling quite sorry for myself after surgery a few hours ago. 

Now, there is no pain unless I press on the muscle. I am getting used to the feel of the unit under my skin, even though it feels as if it is very close to the surface and I have also got the full movement back in my left arm. I still can't raise my arm straight above my head, but it's getting there. I do gentle stretching exercises each day and can feel improvement all the time. I still can't wear the left strap of my bra on my shoulder as it catches on the end of my scar which is healing slower than the rest. It's a bit lumpy and still a little discoloured but still looking clean and not showing any signs of infection.

At the weekend I started to make inroads in the house cleaning, which was really starting to bug me. 6 weeks without only the bare basics of cleaning being done meant there was a lot that was waiting to be tackled. The bathrooms have been totally cleaned and disinfected, the living rooms have been vacuumed and dusted to within a few millimeters of the skirting boards and the kitchen is still recovering from the shock of so much mopping and wiping.

It feels good to be back in charge of cleaning.

This weekend, weather permitting, I'm tackling the outside. The greenhouse needs clearing and cleaning down for winter, so that I can plant up the vegetables, seeds and bulbs ready for spring.

I still haven't started any exercise regime, not sure what I am allowed to do until I speak with the doctor in 4 weeks, so I'm having to rely on dog walking and smaller portions of food to keep my weight from creeping up. My cholesterol is still a high priority and losing weight is one way to increase my low good cholesterol count.

6 weeks ago, I really would  not have believed I would be doing so much by now.

Not quite 4 weeks

Not quite 4 weeks after the op I woke and felt some very acute pains in my left shoulder and down my left arm. It worried me. As soon as the Cardio-respiratory department at the hospital was open for phone calls I rang to see if I could speak to one of my after-care team about my pains. After a very short conversation with them they asked me to go in to see them that afternoon. I can't tell you how relieved I was to be able to go in. 

The pains continued all day unlike some pains which are there until you decide to do something about them, when suddenly they vanish, such as toothache.

Not long after arriving at the hospital I was taken through to the technicians room and they started asking a variety of questions. The general view was that the pains were just down to more movement of my arm causing the muscle where they made the pocket to be moved more and causing the pain. As it was almost 4 weeks since the operation they decided they would do my 5th November check early. They put the monitor on top of my pacemaker and started to check out what it was doing. As before, they speeded up my heart and slowed it down a couple of times and they were happy everything was working correctly and that by now the leads would be well seated and I didn't need to be concerned about lead displacement. That was a major relief for me. She then asked how my scar was healing and I explained that one end was fine but the end nearest my shoulder wasn't healing as well. She had a look and also felt it wasn't healing as well as the rest of the scar and looked a little sore. She went to see if the surgeon was able to come and have a look but unfortunately he wasn't in the hospital so we decided I should continue to keep a check on it, continue to use the antiseptic spray and hopefully it would stay infection free and heal ok.

Having seen that everything was ok, that the pains were normal and with a few positive words on how well I was recovering, they decided to cancel my appointment on November 5th and book the next one for 3 months.

As I walked out of the hospital I felt so much more positive than when I went in, despite the fact that the pain in my shoulder felt just as bad as when I went in.

And, as an added plus for the day - they said I can now start to move my arm about more, that I don't have to worry about it being above my shoulder as the leads will be well in place now. Now that is a huge relief, I can tell you.

3 Weeks On

It seems remarkable how quickly the time is passing. 3 weeks on and the scar is healing quite well, the swelling and redness have reduced significantly although at one end I have a stitch knot that is being stubborn and creating a dent in the skin. I keep a close check on it for any signs of infection as this is a possible worry while it's healing but so far it's looking clean. I use an antisceptic spray on it twice a day and try to make sure my clothes don't aggravate it. I do seem to be spending a lot of time with my bra strap off my shoulder and I wonder sometimes whether I will ever get back to wearing my bra properly again. 

I had a doctors appointment today for my cholesterol check and it's the first time my doctor has seen me since the implant so I was happy for her to take a look at the scar. She too is happy how it's healing although says it's the end is a little puckered and needs to be monitired closely.

I'm now finding the arm is wanting to be more mobile than it should be because the pain isn't there to remind me. I am instinctively reaching out to pick things up that I shouldn't so I am having to be so much more aware of what I am doing. But, at least the signs are good.

Only 4 weeks until my appointement to check everything is ok with the pacemaker unit. I'm crossing the days off on the calendar. This year, bonfirme night will have a really different meaning, that should be the day the hospital tell me the operation has been a success and I can get on with my life and not worry about the av block as it gets worse, my pacemaker will fill in the gaps.

2 weeks on - Finally back behind the wheel.

From the time I was diagnosed with 2nd degree AV block I had been unable to drive on medical grounds. It was so difficult losing my independence, to lose the ability to jump on the car and nip to the shops, to load the dogs in the back of the car and drive to the woods. It was probably one of the most difficult parts of dealing with the wait for my implant date.

Since the implant, I have not felt capable of driving, even though technically I could have driven after 1 week. I certainly didn't feel capable of having my left arm stretched out to the steering wheel, for any period of time.

I had notified the DVLA and my insurance company of my pacemaker, in preparation of driving again, a requirement that I had been told about by the hospital. Now, 2 weeks on, I felt ready to get behind the wheel again. I asked Neil to come with me so that, should I feel uncomfortable, he could drive home and I used the need to have somewhere to drive to as an excuse to go for a KFC. I found driving very comfortable and the reward of a KFC seemed appropriate for my regained independence.

I felt life was finally getting back to normal. I was back at work, I was driving again - all within 2 weeks. 

I was still having some very odd sensations inside as the site of the operation knitted together, healing slower on the inside than the external scar. I kept a close watch on my scar for signs of infection but it all seemed clean and using the antiseptic spray twice daily certainly seemed to be helping.

Next big step is my next check up. The countdown was marked on the calendar and we were crossing the days off. Already, there are a lot of crosses on the page.

Roll on November 5th.

Day 11 - A good day.

I decided I would start the days by showering and washing my hair so that my hair would not be the reason for a bad day. Not just a bad hair day, but a bad day overall. I have started to get less bothered by it being straight and flat as long as it is clean. Before my implant I was focused on how I would manage my hair and I thought it was a coping strategy to avoid thinking about other things, and that after the implant my hair would be the least of my worries. As it happens my concerns about my hair being a significant part of my recovery has turned out to be spot on. How my hair look affects the whole day.

There is little else causing problems at the moment. I am pleasantly surprised how little my clothing is bothering me at the site of the wound, other than my bra straps and I am managing well with my little summer tops which have much softer straps. It's not perfect but it is acceptable. At the moment I worry that normal bra straps will be too tight and I may need to adapt for the future. The end of my scar will always be under the strap and thus could be a problem. I have spent a lot of time on the internet and I have found a site in the US which does padded pads that fix to the strap over the wound site and help protect the skin but I haven't been able to find anything in the UK. Maybe that's because long term, it's not actually a problem, I'll find out over the next few weeks.

Reaching across my body is still uncomfortable but the tip my boss gave me of keeping my left elbow tucked into my waist is actually working very well to ensure I don't use the arm too much. I am finding I can do quite a lot with just my right hand and when I do get my left hand involved remembering to keep my elbow in stops me risking over-stretching and dis-placing the leads.After the difficulties getting them in place I really worry about them getting displaced. Once the leads have been in place a few weeks and have taken a good hold I will be able to forget about them. In fact, before the operation it was one of my biggest concerns, if the leads failed at some point after implant how did they change them. Once the heart tissue had grown around the pacing wires making a good contact how did they get them out to replace them if it was necessary. The answer? They don't. They just disconnect them from the pacemaker, put new leads in leaving the old ones in place and connect you up to the new ones. Simple Once I knew that I had few worries about the technology. 30 years ago I worked for a company that imported and sold pacemakers to the medical section in the UK. I knew how they worked. Other than being slightly smaller than the ones we used to sell, and becoming more reliable, there was little change.

I had a relaxing day and finally felt my pacemaker. I'm surprised how big it feels considering how small it is. It's a bit like when you have a broken tooth and it feels massive but in actual fact is tiny. It's very close to my collar bone and only just under the skin, I thought it would be deeper. I can see the lump in the skin when a look at my profile but I'm fairly sure that other people will not notice it unless they are looking for it. The scar will be the main give-away, and once it's healed fully I'm going to start using bio-oil to try and reduce the scarring.

Day 10 - Tears Today, Again

I got very tearful again today, today they were tears of frustration. Frustration at not being able to do simple tasks. Frustration at having to ask for help all the time.

People keep reminding me it's less than 2 weeks since my procedure and that I shouldn't be so hard on myself but it's so difficult to rest and let others do things for me when I don't feel ill.

I have to focus on the things I am able to do each day, a little step at a time.

The swelling is going down and the scar is looking a little less angry each day. I am still not supposed to let soap get into it as it is still healing, and at one end there is a bit that isn't healing as well as the rest. It is puckered and one of the knots is not falling off and the skin is growing around it. It's not infected and just looks a little ugly. I use Savlon antisceptic spray on it every morning and evening to try and keep it clear of infection and so far it's working.

Now the swelling has gone down a lot I can feel the unit quite a lot. My muscle is still very sore and any movement across my body pushes the unit into the muscle or the collar bone, so simple things like scratching an itch on my right arm is a struggle. 

I am quite adept at getting dressed myself but still need help getting undressed from Neil, once I have my right arm out of my top I can manage the rest, but I have to plan things for when Neil is around.

Slow progress, but at least it is progress.

Day 9 - Time to ring the hospital aftercare

Because of all the different sensations, pin pricking feelings etc I rang the hospital to see if it was normal. They confirmed it's all part of the healing process although if they continue at current levels in a few days to ring again and maybe go in for a check up. I felt much calmer after speaking to them. I told them I was worried about my arm doing things when I was asleep. She told me it's ok as long as there no sudden movements, no lifting or pushing, no lifting above shoulder but that there is a lot of extra cable so displacement is rare, although possible.

Had spent the day at Clumber, and tried using my brother's camera but as soon as I took it in my left hand I knew I couldn't take the weight, it pulled on my left side and passed the camera straight back before I did any damage to myself or the camera.

I had a lovely day wandering around Clumber with my brother, especially around the kitchen gardens which were still full of the most spectacular dahlias in every colour possible. I have found that just having my arm hang from my shoulder as I walk around makes it uncomfortable so I solve this by wearing my fleece and keeping my hand in my pocket. This takes the weight away from my shoulder and makes it so much more comfortable.

I'm still finding it difficult sleeping at night although have now been back in my own bed for a couple of nights. I still find I am most comfortable on the settee downstairs and if I struggle to sleep I soon get up, taking care not to push myself up with my left arm. In the first few days I found it very difficult getting up from the settee or the bed only using my right arm but I've got used to it now. 

I think I'm doing OK.